Monday, December 05, 2005

linear

200512041920hrs: S
Sipping hot Milo, from a vending machine,in the College of Law. Its hallways are bereft of light, save for certain areas in the parking lot.
I'm waiting for the eight o'clock mass to start. There's no better way to reflect on the events that transpired this past week than to sit still in the dark and just_ ponder.
As if whatever happened to me this past week was earth shattering. They're just your basic weekly occurences that have been_ a part of my life since I set foot in the College of Law. It's funny how they're all facsimiles of each other. Deadlines, exams, recitations, classes. Except now, in my final year, we have OLA, our internship program (which our new Director, Prof. Te, tells us, is now being emulated by Ateneo. Except theirs is longer, at 1.5years). Everything in my life seems able to blend into one event, indistinguishable from the others. Will I want to live this kind life till I'm old and graying? What other things are there to do so that I can get rid of this ennui, this sameness?
The halls of the school are dark, lit only by the vendo machine beside me. We're often told that ghosts roam these halls. I don't have to imagine them to see them. Because I have my own bevy of ghosts surrounding me.
What if life wasn't linear? Great. I started thinking this while I was driving to here. It's bad enough that I'm driving at night on the most accident-prone highway in the world (Commonwealth Avenue), my subconscious has to butt in and engage me in pointless banter.
What if life wasn't linear? What if we could live each of its parts simultaneously? What if we could pick out one or more of those parts that we'll live (forgetting the rest)?
Sigh. Then I won't have to live in the here and now.
The clock's moving to 8pm. The sky is so clear you can see the stars. (I miss Iloilo at night.) I close my eyes and make a wish.... I make a second wish- that my first wish will come true. The air is calm. There isn't a breeze to carry my prayer to the heavens. I turn to the darkness behind me and tell the phantoms surrounding me of my desires. And when I wake up, I'll want it to be dawn....

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